Have you ever gotten one of those wake up calls about life?
That one moment of clarity where you know things are going downhill in your life, but for some reason that knowledge still isn’t enough to get you to change something. Unfortunately for myself, i was in that situation only a couple days ago and its kind of embarrassing to even admit.
My name is Daniel and have suffered from Anxiety and panic attacks for my entire life. While sometimes i was able to deal with my anxiety and still live my life to some extent, other times i would be trapped in my room for days refusing to come outside and sleeping as much as possible.
Even worse, when i wasn’t trying to sleep the constant pain of a panic attack away or convincing myself that things would eventually get better, i would go into bouts of extreme panic and start walking aimlessly. It got so bad one time that i had walked ten miles in Florida heat one day.
With that being said, my anxiety doesn’t always come from high stake situations like tests, going out in public or talking to people, and sometimes comes from things that most people would find simple or not worth the amount of anxiety that i put into the situation on a daily basis.
For example, i frequent the same student run cafe after class and even order the same thing every time so i dont waste every one’s time while i figure out what to eat. Unfortunately for myself, i madee the mistake of ordering something extra one day, a cookie to go along with my hot dog and soday, but forget it.
Of course the cookie was only 89 cents and probably not worth the worry that i put in itt it, but i was standing five feet away from the cookie tray and still couldn’t bring myself back over there. I was too afraid of being accused of stealing and even though i had the receipt to what i bought, i was still afraid of confrontation.
And that’s honestly the worst part of the whole thing, because the workers at the cafe are so friendly and even have conversations with you while you wait for your food. They always have smiles on their face, eagerness to please in their words and an over all friendly demeanor that is refreshing after a long day of class.
I don’t know why i’m so afraid to go up and grab something that i actually paid for, but i feel like the shame of being called a thief would be too much embarrassment to carry. Not only that, i would also be afraid of what other people would think of me if they saw the situation and didn’t know me .
Of course were taught not to care about what other people think at different points in our lifes and it may be true to some extent, but who would honestly want to even be the guy that was accused of stealing a cookie from a student run cafe?
My point is, i have to see these people every day for the entire semester, or at least i have to if i want a meal after class. With that being said, i always fear rocking the boat in some horrible way and being branded as a theft by my fellow classmates.
What are your thoughts? What simple things in life are you afraid of and why? Let me know in the comments below!